Humour - Language
ENGLISH AS IT SHOULD BE SPOKEN ?
| Anally | Occurring Yearly |
| Artery | The Study of Painting |
| Bacteria | Back Door to the Cafeteria |
| Barium | What Undertakers do after Treatments Fail |
| Bowel | Letters like A E I O U |
| Caesarian Section | A Distrct of Rome |
| Cat Scan | Searching for Kitty |
| Cauterise | Make eye contact with her |
| Colic | A Sheep Dog |
| Coma | Punctuation Mark |
| Congenital | Friendly |
| D & C | Where Washington is |
| Diarrhoea | Journal of Daily Events |
| Dilate | To Live Long |
| Enema | Not a Friend |
| Fester | Quicker |
| Fibula | A Small Lie |
| Genital | Not Jewish |
| G.I. Series | Soldier Ball Game |
| Hangnail | Coat Hook |
| High Colonic | Jewish Religious Holiday |
| Impotent | Distinguished / Well Known |
| Intense Pain | Torture in a Teepee |
| Labour Pain | Getting Hurt at Work |
| Medical Staff | A Doctors Cane |
| Morbid | A Higher Offer |
| Nitrate | Cheaper than Day Rate |
| Node | Well aware of |
| Outpatient | Person who has Fainted |
| Pap Smear | Fatherhood Test |
| Pelvis | Cousin of Elvis |
| Post Operative | Letter Carrier |
| Prostate | Flat on your Back |
| Protein | Favouring Young People |
| Recovery Room | Place to do Upholstery |
| Rectum | Damn Nearly Killed Him |
| Rheumatic | Amorous |
| Scar | Rolled Tobacco Leaf |
| Secretion | Hiding Something |
| Seizure | Roman Emperor |
| Serology | Study of Knighthood |
| Tablet | A Small Table |
| Terminal Illness | Getting Sick at the Airport |
| Tibia | Country in North Africa |
| Tumour | An Extra Pair |
| Urine | Opposite to you're out |
| Varicose | Located Nearby |
| Vein | Conceited |
| Acute MI | Acute Monetary Insufficiency |
| Bag 'em | Put someone on a respirator |
| Bleed Them | Draw blood |
| Bought The Farm | Died |
| Bounce Back | Someone discharged who's readmitted |
| Buff 'em Up | Hydrate someone to stabilize their electrolytes |
| Circling the Drain | A patient who's taken a turn for the worse |
| Code Brown | A bed full of shit |
| Crispy Critter | Burn victim |
| Crump | To go downhill / Die |
| CYA Medicine | Cover Your Ass Medicine (i.e. Do extra tests & document everything) |
| Donor Cycle | Motorcycle (Motorcycle RTA victims make very good organ donors) |
| Drop a Tube | For example, an ET tube |
| Dump | A hard-to-dispose-of patient from another doctor |
| ETU | Morgue (Eternal Care Unit) |
| Facinoma | A great ER story |
| Fertile Myrtle | Woman who gets repeatedly pregnant |
| FLK | Funny-Looking Kid |
| FOS | In need of an enema, as seen on X-ray |
| Gas 'em | Give the patient an anaesthetic |
| Get Burned | To make a mistake |
| GGF | Granny's Got A Fever |
| Glory ER | Exciting cases |
| Go Down The Tubes | Get sicker |
| GOK | God Only Knows |
| GOMER | Get Out of My Emergency Room! |
| Gork | Brain-dead patient, on the way out |
| GSW | GunShot Wound |
| HBD | Has Been Drinking |
| Hit | An admission |
| Hit Hard | To admit lots of difficult patients in one shift |
| Incoming Scud | Train wreck coming in by ambulance |
| Knife And Gun Club | Inner-city hospital |
| LGFD | Looks Good From the Doorway ... |
| LOL | Little Old Lady |
| MRCP | Member of the Royal College of Physicians. OR Mental Retardation With Cerebral Palsy. |
| NAD | Nothing Abnormal Detected. (Residents joke - Not Actually Done) |
| Perf | To Perforate / Burst |
| Pimp | To ask a student a difficult question |
| Road Rash | Abrasions from a fall onto tarmac / concrete |
| "Send Him Redline" | ASAP |
| Slammed | "Hit Hard", but worse |
| Spark 'em | Defribillate someone |
| Stat | Hurry up |
| Stool Magnet | Someone who always gets very complicated patients |
| Tank 'em Up | Give fluids |
| Train Wreck | Multiple problems |
| Turf | To send a patient to another service (eg. surgical) |
| Underdose | An overdose that doesn't kill ... |
| Vitamin H | A very powerful sedative (Haloperidol) |
| WADAO | Weak And Dizzy All Over |
| Walking Time Bomb | Someone with a potentially fatal disease (eg. aortic aneurysm) |
| Wallet Biopsy | An expensive procedure |
| WNL | Within Normal Limits. (Residents joke - "We Never Looked"). |
St. Elsewhere Hospital NHS Trust
IMPORTANT NOTICE
| INDICATORS | Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken |
| BONNET | Pullnob und Knucklechoppen |
| EXHAUST | Sitzenpoppenhangentuben |
| SPEEDOMETER | Der Egobooster und Linenshooter |
| CLUTCH | Die Kuplink mit Achlippen und Schaken |
| PUNCTURE | Die Phlatt mit Bludyfucken |
| LEARNER | Die Twatten mit Elplate |
| ESTATE CAR | Der Bagzeroomfurschagginaute |
| PARKING METER | Der Tennarpischer und Zlockenarr |
| WINDSCREEN WIPER | Der Flippenflappenmuckenshpredder |
| POWER BRAKES | Der Edbangeronvinschreen Stoppenquick |
| GEAR LEVER | Biggensticken fur Kangaroochoppen |
| FUEL GAUGE | Der Walletemptyung Meter |
| BREATHALYSER | Die Puffeitinter fur Pistenarsen |
| REAR VIEW MIRROR | Der Yonkunter ist Tooklosan |
| SEAT BELT | Der Klunkenklickken Frauleinstrapper |
| HEADLlGHTS | Das Dippendontdazzelubasted |
| EXHAUST FUMES | Dar Koffundschplitterpoluter |
| HIGHWAY CODE | Der Wipen fur Arsen |
| FOG WARNING | Die Puttenklogdownan und Fukkit |
| TRAFFIC JAM | Die Bluddifukkin Dammundblast |
| REAR SEAT | Dar Schpringentester |
| TYRES | Flatfahrts |
| BACKFIRE | Der Lowdenbanermekkenjumpen |
| JUGGERNAUT | Der Fukkengratt Trukken |
| ACCIDENT | Das Bleedinkmess |
| NEAR ACCIDENT | Der Phewn Near Schittenselfen |
| GARAGE | Der Haiway Robberung |
| CYCLIST | Der Peddallpushink Pilloken |
| SKID | Der Banannen Walzen |
| DOUBLE WHlTE LINES | Overtaken und Krunchen |